Vignette
by Moonbutton
Summary: ----


i) Very short and very little plot. Sorry. I finally bit the bullet and bought the DVD's of The Pretender (I knew there had to be a reason for being in region 2). This came after watching 'Ranger Jarod' again but I'll let you decide who the protagonist is...

ii) "Time has too much credit... It is not a great healer. It is an indifferent and perfunctory one. Sometimes it does not heal at all. And sometimes when it seems to, no healing has been necessary." Ivy Compton-Burnett

Untitled

There's an old saying, an adage that has - at times - haunted me and goes along the lines of 'time is a great healer'. I've never really put much stock in its authenticity. My past has never faded, no matter how many years elapse, and it has haunted my dreams for too long for me to believe in such nonsense. Even to this day I'm still plagued by nightmares from another time, wounds that never seem to heal. But this morning I had cause to reconsider its validity. This morning I saw _him_.

Seeing him again was a surprise, a jolt; what some people would call a heart stopping moment except the only parts of my body that actually stopped were my feet. And my train of thought, if that counts. I had gone into the city to settle a few things and my mind had been solely on those matters. I'd given up scanning every face in the crowd, looking for that one special person, some time ago.

So I stood rooted to the spot, my eyes tracking his movements, my legs fighting the urge to walk over to him. Would he have been pleased to see me? Or would it have been awkward? I'll never know because I ignored the little voice that goaded me to cross the road and announce my presence.

Instead I watched him take long, confident strides towards his destination as those last few words that had passed between us clawed their way back into my head. A painful conversation, one littered with unspoken truths. My unspoken truths; Jarod is as honest as the day is long. It was my chance to tell him how I felt, but I didn't; I was afraid and staying exactly where I was seemed so much safer. I let him go, didn't even try to stop him. I often wondered if I would have been able to anyway. For a long time after he'd disappeared I thought he might come back and so I stayed where I was. Pretended nothing had changed. Carried on regardless, burrowing myself deeper into the hole I'd somehow submerged myself into years before. I did this for almost two years before I finally accepted that I couldn't go like that. That my life had to change. That I had to change. That in all liklihood I wasn't going to see him again. But even until this morning he would always creep into my thoughts, surrounded by images of what could have been and throw a haze of odubt over my life. Even as I've stumbled into what has become the longest relationship I've ever held down there was always that small glimmer of hope that I'd see him again. What I'd do if I ever did see him again, I never considered.

But Jarod didn't see me today, his attention was aimed elsewhere. He must have been able to stop looking over his shoulder - I always imagined it was _them_ that had kept him away from me. That _they_ were always watching me. I guess he figured out a way to have his freedom. His focus was upon the woman and child standing almost opposite me. Separated by four lanes of traffic and the odd passerby it wasn't far enough to stop the sharp smack of pain I felt. Pain and regret. The feeling lingered as Jarod took the child in his arms, before kissing the woman slowly.

As quickly as the pain came though it went just as fast when I realised exactly who had captured Jarod. Her face, initially obscured by the toddler in her arms, roused another memory. A very short, but still crystal clear, memory of the few moments I spent with her. That day in Oregon, surrounded by trees, was completely in contrast to my second viewing of her today but there was a very familiar feel about it. There had been something in her eyes that first time, something that bothered me, that niggled at me long afterwards. I never grasped its full meaning until this morning. Until I saw her with Jarod.

As I watched them walk away, the very picture of a perfect family, it hit me that Jaord had the one thing he wanted most and I was overcome by a sense of peace, of closure. Whatever had been between Jarod and I, whatever had happened, was over. Had been over for a long time. Those feelings that had surfaced briefly were, in the grand scheme of things, negligible. Time had seemed to have done its job, at least on that part of my life anyway. Had this encounter occurred two or three years ago...

Except now, in the cool, quiet, dark surroundings of my home I wonder if that's strictly true. Maybe it was more the shock of seeing him again rather than anything else because what did we really have? A connection of some description but not one binding enough for either of us. Nothing that we were willing to fight for. We did share something special, something very unique, but that's all. It's been too long to believe it could have been anything more or that it ever meant anything else. Though I wanted to see him again I think that there was nothing more to it than curiousity. A need to know he was safe and well - a need that's now been sated. And it's that desire, that need, that has kept a small part of me meandering in the past; drawing a line under it now means I can move on.

All the time in the world could not have made that possible.


End file.
